Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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