They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
