just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
