Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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