there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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