So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
