I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
