He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
