okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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