video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
