I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
