dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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