we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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