what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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