I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize