you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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