I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
