so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
