I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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