Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
