Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
