she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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