I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
