she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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