Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
