so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
