I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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