Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
