Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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