Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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