apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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