I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
