That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
