I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
