She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
