theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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