dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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