my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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