We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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