his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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