I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
