I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize