tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
