Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
