So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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