and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
