he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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