I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
