thus making me awesome and them whores
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
