im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
