I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
