I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
