Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
