My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
