I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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