I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
