I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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