Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
