Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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