Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
