Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
