Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
