Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
