I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize