dude i'm inner monologue high
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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