you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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