The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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