She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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