I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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