Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
