I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize