Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
