his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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