There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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