They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize