oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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