yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
