So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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