Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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