This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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