How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize