can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
