i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
