Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize