After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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