Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
