He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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