Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
