We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have tasted many bathrooms
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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