I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
