I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
