lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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