I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
