i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
