Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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