Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
