you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
