I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize