That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My feet surprised me
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