Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
