If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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