You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
