he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
