you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
