do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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