i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize