woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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