There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
