Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
