in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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