i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
