do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
