hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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