Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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