Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
