I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
